Silly Billy

I hate feeling dumb.

Well, who likes that? But I really utterly hate that feeling; especially when I’m forced to feel that way by another person. Lately, this feeling has not been out of the ordinary for me. And whenever I feel that way, I become such a grump ball & my brain starts creating scenarios that just messes with everything.

Maybe it is all actually me, myself. I strive for achieving almost perfection in everything I do and I hate to make myself look like a fool.

As I was watching Bridget Jones’ Diary a few days back, I realize how uptight I usually am. I love the character of Bridget in the movie as she is the silliest person I have ever seen; at times even a tad foolish but that never stops her from living her life the way she chooses to. The movie depicts on the life of Bridget Jones, a single lady in her 30s who starts a diary in an attempt to stop smoking, lose weight and find her Mr Right. It’s an old movie but it definitely does not lack in humor and surprisingly for me, some life lessons along the way.

Sometimes, as I have mentioned before, we all are put in situations where we feel completely foolish but what really differentiates one person from another is how a person copes under these circumstances; you can either waste it by resenting it, or learn from it.

Bridget finally gets what she really wants in the end, her Mr Right, and she got it while being her plain old silly self. I quote what Mark Darcy (Mr Right) eventually says to Bridget:

“I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.”

It made me realize that it is alright to feel dumb sometimes, it is completely normal to be foolish, silly and take down that mask we all usually have on. That does not mean we can’t get what we want. At the end of the day, it boils down to whether we would let ourselves be the barrier to what we truly want.

Maybe I should consider being a little less like me and probably a little more like Bridget Jones?  

Judge me not?

It's not rare that you hear about the fine lines between two usually contradicting statements.

Don't mistaken my shyness as arrogance & my friendliness as flirtation or anything along the lines of that.
Personally, it's hard for me to get really comfortable with someone new but once I do, I'm very friendly and some may see it as too friendly.

But that's just me.
I'm no good at hiding how I feel especially when I really like a person.
Don't get me wrong; I mean I'm very expressive when it comes to showing love, be it my family, relatives or friends.

My point is that I don't understand why people enjoy jumping into conclusions so often.
I respect that everyone has their right to an Opinion but not a Judgement.
This is me. This is how I am.
And I do not think Love is only between two exclusive people.

Miss Independent

Wise words from Ne-Yo :
"It's somethin' about
Kinda woman that want you but don't need you...
'Cause she walk like a boss
Talk like a boss
Manicured nails to set the pedicure off
She's fly effortlessly
And she move like a boss
Do what a boss do...
There's somethin' about
Kinda woman that can do for herself...
There’s somethin' oh so sexy about Kinda woman that don't even need my help
She said she got it, she got it, no doubt...
Car and a crib, she 'bout to pay 'em both off
And her bills are paid on time
She made for a boss, only a boss
Anythin' less she tellin' them to get lost"

Miss Independent; Thats what I want to be.
xx

Mistakes & Regrets

Growing up I never had many chances of making mistakes and regretting my choices. I always stuck by the book; doing almost always the right thing. Probably that is the reason as to why I became such a timid person and am far left behind than many of my peers.

Its been ten months since I came to kl; in these ten months I've done much more mistakes than my whole life back home. Be it even a tiny mistake, it still messes with my mind.

What I'm trying to get across is that I finally understand that it is completely alright to make mistakes.
That is what makes us human.
That is what changes us for better.
As long as we never lose sight of what's truly important and lose the very essence of our selfs. 

I know I've made mistakes and I'll continue making mistakes. But one thing's for sure, I'll have no regrets as I know I am becoming a much better person than I ever was.
xx

Crystal & Sammy's Birthday Bash!

I know I've got the best siblings and cousins ever. The birthday bash was amazing as always. Though there were times everyone may think I wasn't happy or showing appreciation, I was and still am extremely happy.

Thank you Steffy for always being the crazy sissy and planning this through out.
Thank you Jj boy for coming all the way and constantly treating me like you're the elder one.
Thank you Crystal ka for the makeup and being so sweet always.
Thank you Kevin for helping with lights and heavy loads.
Thank you Riyana for the yummy keBabes!
Thank you Timo for listening to my stupid rants, making extremely good dip and doing my hair.

You know how much I love and treasure each one of you, I can't even put it into words.

Thank you once again for making it a crazy kick-ass party and putting up with my annoyance.

Lots of love xx

Love is as strong as Death

What is death?
Its something that baffles me quite often.

My first day in Philosophy class, the lecturer posed this question. I had no answer for it but I said that I'm not afraid of dying instead I'm afraid of people around me dying. The lecturer did not get my point of view and try to change my perception instead. I am still sticking to what I believe in.

I am utterly afraid of people around me dying.

Two deaths in a week? The worst was that someone I practically grew up around is now gone.
I am still in disbelief. It was all too soon though we were all aware of the pain and suffering she went through majority of the time.

The first time I saw my dad crying. A man so strong, all my life, never a drop of tear but on that day tears were streaming down his face. I saw the pain and hurt in his eyes. He had lots of hope on Aunty Lily and he truly believed she would recover but God had other plans.

I had a whole new sense of respect for my dad that day. After mourning, he had to return right back to work and he did; plastering on his brave face.

Reality is coming closer and all I wish for is a pause button on life.

R.I.P Aunty Lily.

R.I.P lil sparrow

Life is short. Many fail to take account of how short it truly is.
I believe God has a special plan for every one of us and he only takes the best away.

I only knew you way back in kindergarten and remembered your pet name that was similar to a type of bird cause of your tiny body. I saw you many times in high school and your body always showed your struggle with the illness but your face never did.
It finally ended for you, I never knew the pain and suffering you went through but I'm sure it was hell.

God only takes the best away. I hope you're in a much better place now. All I have to give is prayers. Rest in peace, you're among the angels now.